Goodbye, Twilight, Goodbye
by unicorn-skydancer08
Summary: The longest anti-Twilight song in history, as of this moment. Read if you dare.


**GOODBYE, TWILIGHT, GOODBYE  
**

_Easily my longest, toughest anti-Twilight song to date. This one here was a real doozy. I wanted something to the tune of Don McLean's "American Pie" (yes, I dared to undertake such a project), and it was extremely difficult coming up with suitable lyrics to last the entire length of the song. I must've spent two days on this. Now that I'm finally finished, I am ready to drop dead.  
_

* * *

**Original Music ****© Don McLean  
**

**Twilight © Stephenie Meyer  
**

**Lyrics © unicorn-skydancer08**

**_All rights reserved. _**

* * *

Not so long ago,  
Maybe yesterday, or so  
There came this new thing they called "Twilight"  
They said it had thrills and romance  
So I thought I'd give it a chance  
I figured, at the least, it'd be all right

But this book, it just didn't please me  
All that it did was make me queasy  
The writing was beastly  
The characters were sleazy

What a most unpleasant surprise  
Had to use Windex to clean my eyes  
And I made a vow, there and then,  
To never read Twilight again

So, bye-bye  
Goodbye, Twilight, goodbye  
See you later, alligator  
You are out of my life  
We don't need you to pollute innocent young minds  
I say, this will be the day the craze dies  
This will be the day the craze dies

Tell me, Stephenie Meyer,  
What is it with these sparkling vampires?  
That just sounds completely dumb  
Anybody with half a mind  
Knows these guys don't sparkle and shine  
They just sizzle to a crisp in the sun

And why should a girl be called Bella?  
Why should she fall for some dead fella?  
Seems such a tragic waste  
Oh, some people just have no taste

There's a hard-earned twenty bucks down the drain  
And three hours, which I'll never get back again  
And this is all I've left to say:  
I'll never read Twilight again

I started singing—  
Bye-bye  
Goodbye, Twilight, goodbye  
See you later, alligator  
You are out of my life  
We don't need you to pollute innocent young minds  
I say, this will be the day the craze dies  
This will be the day the craze dies

Now, I've been a sucker for true love  
Love is a gift from heaven above  
But this ain't how love ought to be  
A dead guy roping in a brain-dead girl  
He's the center of her puny world  
Without him, she'd forget how to breathe

Oh, and while the girl's just seventeen,  
He's well over a century  
A corpse in love with a kid—  
Oh, man, heaven forbid

On top of that, this book glorifies  
Self-interest and suicide  
This, my friends, is precisely why  
I'll never read Twilight again

We were singing—  
Bye-bye  
Goodbye, Twilight, goodbye  
See you later, alligator  
You are out of my life  
We don't need you to pollute innocent young minds  
I say, this will be the day the craze dies  
This will be the day the craze dies

In every bookstore across the nation  
This thing's affecting our generation  
I swear it's the gospel truth  
Two small kids got nailed last week  
Just because they said Edward's a freak  
We've got a serious problem with our youth

These loony fans will launch World War Three  
'Cause they can't agree to disagree  
Is there no end in sight?  
Oh, no solution to this fight?

Who'd have thought things would get this crazy?  
I'm set to lose my sanity  
We must convince humanity  
To never read Twilight again

We started singing—  
Bye-bye  
Goodbye, Twilight, goodbye  
See you later, alligator  
You are out of my life  
We don't need you to pollute innocent young minds  
I say, this will be the day the craze dies  
This will be the day the craze dies

I started to hope Twilight was done  
But my troubles had just begun  
Now the book is a hit movie  
Now Edward's face glitters on the big screen  
To the delight of swooning teens  
In every theater across the country

Oh, and now there's a constant dispute  
Of whether Ed or Jake's more cute  
It's like that, night and day  
Man, I can't get away

It's a nightmare literally come true  
I don't know what more I can do  
If you people know what's good for you,  
Don't ever read Twilight again

Hear me singing—  
Bye-bye  
Goodbye, Twilight, goodbye  
See you later, alligator  
You are out of my life  
We don't need you to pollute innocent young minds  
I say, this will be the day the craze dies  
This will be the day the craze dies

I've never had a moment's peace  
Since this rubbish was released  
I only wish it'd go away  
Nothing is the same anymore  
It feels like I'm in a losing war  
A game I no longer have the heart to play

Miss Meyer, I hope you're satisfied  
Your influence has spread worldwide  
You have put vampires to shame  
You've soiled Dracula's good name

Oh, we may be down, but we're not out  
Some fighters are still scattered about  
Together, we give one clear shout:  
"We'll never read Twilight again!"

And I was singing—  
Bye-bye  
Goodbye, Twilight, goodbye  
See you later, alligator  
You are out of my life  
We don't need you to pollute innocent young minds  
We say, this will be the day the craze dies  
This will be the day the craze dies

We were singing—  
Bye-bye  
Goodbye, Twilight, goodbye  
See you later, alligator  
You are out of my life  
We don't need you to pollute innocent young minds  
We say, this will be the day the craze dies


End file.
